chemicalrose

been knocked down beat down black and blue

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 14:03:11 GMT

i hate my area.
Me and my girls got beaten:( <3<3.
Chavs innit.

Walking down homebase road. we hear excuse me! and turn around. and see three grrls.
They ask us for the time. and i blaits knew what it was for. but amber never. and got her fone out to look.
They fucking started chattin to us. the chavvy way, "you got a pound" etc etc.
Then the bloody mixed raced grrl goes, "quit th chit chat, give us your fones!" i had hidden mine, and was like, iaint got one. So the mixed race one went for jess(typical, lol) and the ginger one went for amber, and this other grrl was well sweet and just stood there. Jess is on the fucking floor gettin kicked and beaten. ambers gettin punch in the face. im thick as shit going in this little voice. "Dont do that". sucha prick!
The girl gets ambers fone yer. And me still in my thick state. i go "no thats not yours, give it back". like a little kid again. And take it out of this fucking chavs hand!.
She started like pretendin to swing at me, like she was gonna hit me. and i just turned rudy like i do when in any fightin sit. like "what you doing blud?!" etc etc.
Then yer. Jess was on the floor still and gettin the shit beaten outive her. and the chav i was with goes and kickes when shes down. I go fucking mental and push her. And she fucking knocked me one in the face. FUCKING PAINED!
I got flip shit. Smack her back. and she steps back. and her mouth just dropped. She ent over to the mixed race grrl, where jess was still gettin beaten ands like "she hit me... she hit me!" the grrl lets go of jess and they both turn and look at me. Like, im gonna kill you looks. I was like fuckin shizer!?!?! and i scream "LEG IT!", we all fucking breezed outta there so fast! got home rang th cops, and they were here till 4 last night. And they are here now again.
I might have to go cought and shit
Love to you all
Just so you guys know whats wrong with my fucking boxer nose!
K
x x x x x x

Sun, 26 Feb 2006 19:34:20 GMT

i havent livwjournaled for a while... and i know no one reads them...lol... so yer.... theres no point... but yer.. i know maxinne will sometime... so yer... ill write this to update her
.
.
Erm... whats happened... nothing really.... just been having jokes... drunk all the time... sometimes tripping too...lol

.
I dunno what else...
.
Not really interested in anyone right now... exept one... but she has a boy friend... woops... and hes hench and balled and sscrrrry...lol
.
.
Erm.... no fucking clue... behind on college etc....
.
.
Pretty much same old same old... just im growing up... and having more fun... wooo
.
.
and i got my bridge pierced
.
.
Laters
.
.
.

pikkies!!

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 23:02:46 GMT

Lanna you got some compition... look at the buffting pik i took today!!

lol
erm... and some of me and me mateys!!

(my abi) loooove her<3<3<3<3<3<

and my two bestest palsssss!! lovvee em like cheese!!!
nmwa mwa mwa mwa

Insets pik of belly and kelsey [x]..... theyre my other two bestest pals!!
$K$
XxX XxX

I know im a loooser but...

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 21:41:20 GMT

Tonight was jokes...
I like get sentimentaly attatched to fucking everything... like i cant throw away old clothes.... coz i love them... and they have memories... yer.... whatver....
So yer... my little memories have little calues to me... that i love...
And i dont care... fuck off... the person who hated it the most.... I love cator... well i love the memories and like the people and shit... theyre sooo safe..... like people youd expect to like walk up to you and talk to you wouldnt and people who you thought would like screw you and walk off propa had convos with me... so yer... all of tth
and then at the same time i realised how buff ruskin was and how butters cator is... i hate them fucking teachers... and they tried biggin up the skool to us.. like we're gonna come runnin back... foolish fuckers.... oh... mr robinson and buckky... are the ones... no hate in their direction....
Yer... so yer... i love cator.... just not the school...lol...
and i love johnny....
Blah blah blah... im soo fucking boring.... later
$K$
XxX XxX
PS: soprry kels for making you go... i do love you!!

ling time no see

Fri, 30 Dec 2005 18:13:14 GMT

I only write in these things when my feelings are very strong towards something or someone ..... etc....lol... or if i have news....lol
Tess went into bromley today with amber and the year 10s... and got her neck peirced.... nice.... i could swear i was meant to be there when she got it....
Errrrrrrrrrr!! i dunno.... the year 10s being there annoys me.... but amber being there annoys me more.... since Tess was the one who convinced me... yet again.... tht amber wasnt good enough for me..... and the fact that amber is such a fucking beg friend..... errrrrrrr!!! with my belly as well... i just wanna kill her.... like... i dunno.... she makes it out that shes better friends with belly then me... shell be like "did you know this about belly".... and ill be like.. nah i wasnt online last night didnt chat to her...... and shell be like "well i did" and shell put this face on..... errrrrr!!! fucking skag head bitch..... errrr!!..... and i saw her slowly doing it with tess but i didnt really care..... i still dont... but her and tess will be a great team.... "Beg friend crew!!... see how many people you can get to fancy you!!".......
i sent her a buff text....
"You have fun with youe new friends nigga fuck.I cant be bothered anymore. You always get what you want dont you. whatever. k . . ."
lol
But yer.... you blaitently know... in a week or so... we'll be back to normal....
Sad isnt it?
$K$
XxX XxX

PS: im probably not this angry... but i just had an asthma test and i had to run around the block three times.... im probably over exeggerating! lol

blah

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 17:59:23 GMT

Im dying my hair blue.... its fun....
Im confused about everything.... and what i think of everyone.... its soo hard being this age.
I thought id add that cheese is good.... because lets be honest.... it is.
$K$
XxX XxX

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 21:39:07 GMT

Sometimes i am amazed at the amount one journal can change between two entries.

Most people will know where this is going because im a twat and you can expect this from me. But atleast i understand myself. I'll try as hard as i can for people to understand, but, i'm complicated. haha.

So, last night was buff. I really LOVE those girls. They are so nice and lovely and make me beleive there is hope yet. lol.

I got home this morning. As soon as i got in the door my mum was like "come upstairs now". When i got upstairs my room was absolutely clean, everything off the floor, everything packed nicely, it was perfect. And for people who know me well enough to have been in or near my room, will know, this isn't something youd ever see, ever.

Then i kinda thought about all the stuff that had been cleaned up in my room.
Letters, pictures, cards, everything that could proove i was dykey.... she found..lol

So yer,aaaah! ironically, the day my mummy finds out, is the day i question myself. After really long. I realised. Im not lesbian. I dont want to be. I want a change. Its really weird, but i think this is the way.

When i decided i wasnt straight. I automatically thought i must be dyke. But just because you dont like meet doesnt mean you like vegetables. (random). I Love girls. and When i think of them. I love them. Boys. i dont think of.

I've had a boy. I 've had boys. I've gone all the way with boys. Girls. Girls i haven't gone all the way with. Because i'm scared. because girls are more judgemental. Like after i did boys, its fine. i chat to them. its fine. but with girls. i dont want to see them again. every girl relationship ive had. it ends in me breaking there heart. i am always the bitch! and i dont want to be. and i always regret it. but i always am.

Boys dont know. Girls know. Girls can compair you to themselves. and when you have someone who is too insecure to boof a grrl. You kinda imagen what would happen if they did.

But yer. the thing is. i dont like boys. lol.

A quote that i always think about tho is from me PE teacher. she would always be like "theres always gonna be things that you dont wanna do or like in life, i dont really want to be here. i could be doing better things. But i have to be here. and i am". course i didnt do PE anyway.lol. But i always think about that when i really need to do something or really dont want to do something. So yer.

I just want to be normal. I want to be like everyone else. I want to be happy. I dont want to feel uncomfortable.

Ok this is mest up. and its really hard to write while watching lost. im trying to explain. so. people dont think im too much of a bitch. and that im bi and desperate.

Im not BI because im desperate or confused or attention seaking. Im bi from now on. because im not straight and i dont want to be a lesbian.

I bet this is all gonna change. I dont know. im so confused. i just dont wanna fuck people over anymore. and im kinda forcing myself to be something im not. But can be. I mean Tess is emo isnt she...lol... joking!

yer.... sorry... its hench.... but i need to keep it for further refrence.

$K$
XxX XxX

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 20:49:19 GMT

I love her.... like a fat kid loves cake... well.. like a love cake <3
Hehehe.. we both made the same mistake... tho to me... its not a mistake... lol.... bad grrls!!!
But yer.... no one will really get in the way this time... unless i do.... ehich i hope i dont coz.... yer.... i'll hate me forever.... lol
Wooo! so tomorro... i go pick up welcme yule tix... for fri.... im going to see the amazing pippa<3 play..... its gonna be sooo emo!!! lol
Then on thurse... got fucking seether... i kinda cant be arsed...lol.. butim gonna go anywho....
Then i got welcome yule and maybe grants on friday... and thtll be the first time ill se amber since... sunday:(... i miss her laready... i missed her on monday... i evenm missed her on sunday <3....
So yer... stoked.... this weeks gonna be busy... im too tired...and must stop skipping skool... or ill be inm trouble...lol....
Love to racheal<3... big up!!! brap brap... thanks for the party w had to leave.... love you <3...
And big up to amber <3....
And big up to mel and bex<3
And Pip for being one of the only ones who understands me <3
And hetty and lanna coz i aint seen them in yaaaars!! <3
And my belly coz shes sexy<3
and my kels coz shes growing up<3....
And big up to Jess<3.... coz shes a fucking joker!!!
Love you all
$K$
XxX XxX

hahaha shame... i suck!!

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 22:30:24 GMT

yer.... i cant do it.... so people are gonna have to deal with my hench amount of fototes... thnx lanna for trying to help me.... x x x x

img src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y3/Kirsti-Lee/bestpeople.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">...
sorrrryyyy!!!
XxX$K$XxX
mwa mwa mwa

old times

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 22:45:41 GMT

I spose its a bit early for one of them gay new year things when you look back onthe year..... but eat my poom im doing it anyway...

So yer... hmm?! i think this year has been the best year ever... i love it i love it i love it.... but like as we near the end of the year... all the cool things tht made this year soo cool are going away.... like friends... like im in college.... and its soo far from friends.... innocents.... not just me.... and not in tht sence.... and like hangin.... when was the last time all of us jammed together?.... and like everyone was there....
Remember the times when everyone thought John Duddly was cool and Jack and Jordan were acceptable.... When Amber was like everything to me.... hehee.... those were the jokes days.... its all changed... and i dont like it....
I was chatting to Tess about it... and she sees it too.... i dont want it to end.... coz i liked it... remember days at penge east... and chips... and crystal palace park... and Tess' house.... and staying at Johns and Chriss'.... remember little chris and emma smith and beck wreck... remember all the parties and vodka.... remember when i wasnt bald... i dont want to be bald.... hmmm.... im bored of this now... sorry

ERm... so... i chatted to amber today.... bless her shes sooo cute...i love her agin (not like tht)... i just think shes really sweet!!
And tht grrl tht i wanted to boof... and i was really sure about.... i dont like... and i went all insecure... and told her about everytime ive broken someones heart and how bitchy i am... and whenever i get with sumone i feel yukky around them and hate them.... so she like "aaaaahhh" and hates me...lol

Now..... hmm?... im bored and have lots of coursework.... and this is a really shitty journal.... poo poo

Love you all

$K$
XxX XxX

so this week...

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 22:49:47 GMT

i aint written a journal in ages... so yer... ill do a kwik one...
Monday we jammed down cator which was jokes... makes you love john ruskin sooo much more!!!
Tuesday... i can remember im like a fucking stoner...
Yer... so highlights then.... amelia sent me a text going... "oi dyke... i find you a dyke friend..." and gave me her number so i took a chance and texted it.... and shes realllllllly nice... but yer i only ever showed her pictures of me looking fit ass (the times when i wasnt bald)... but yer.... tonight i showed her piks of when i am bald... and she was fine with it...
mwa mwa,.... shes really sweeet!!!
In aid of this... pictures of my pussy and baldness... and pik of her for belly!!
$K$
XxX XxX

So yer....
Whats gonna happen when she actually sees me .... shell be like "eerrr... what is it??"...lol
$K$
XxX XxX

Arrg!

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 20:19:24 GMT

i hate it i hate it i hate it
I feel stoopid but i dont care.... im crying for a looser reason.... still dont care... i been looking for hours and the only place tht sells them is ebay and its for £45 each!!!
:(
So yer.... sooo not going Taking back sunday :(:(
Im really sad :(:(
And i cried... a lot.... such a looser... but i dont care... if ANYONE know of anyone or anywhere i could get tickets... please tell me id do ANYTHING... ANYTHING!!! pleaseeeeee!!!

Sat, 19 Nov 2005 10:41:02 GMT

So yer.... i was meant to go out with the great Rachel last night.,... but i double booked months ago.... and id already payed :(:(:(... sorry rachel.... We'll def. jam sometime next week!!!
so.... yer.... it was papas party thing and it was sooo jokes.... on the way there i saw miss evans mr adams and my old science teacher.... kelsey waas really pissed (for the first time)... and shouted hallo to them... then belly bailed.... haha
anywho we got there at it was pretty cool... seeing all your old school mates... but then the reunion went a little far... teachers started arriving... i cant be bothered to name em all... coz there were loads... the likes of- the rockiin miss buckhurst (shes the best... she spoke to me) and miss evans.... who begged friends then had a drunken chat with me... bless her..... and mr nia(sp?)... and i was like "sir! your cool!!" and he was like "nah... no im not techers arent cool"... and i was like... "well i know mel and becky and them lot... and they say your cool".... and he was like "wow... im flattered"... hahaha... pak!! MR weston was there... miss roskell... mr griffen... mrs griffen... ms davies.... and all the looser beggin it teachers.... it was jokes... and they all started dancing and shit... it was soooo scary... and then me and kelsey and belly got dragged onto the dance floor... hahaha... and we danced with people... it was jokes.... and then we sat down next to the dance floor and miss evans sat next to me and started chatting to me.... and i kinda thought to myself "if this was about 2 years it would have been my dream"....lol.....
But yer... apparently one of the teachers grassed and sed e were underage.... so yer... i went all psycho bitch and was holding a beer bottle calling them cowards and they shud oen up so i could hit them with a bottle... i dont think they heard me..... lol
But we got kicked out(some of us).... and yer... some camp guy who realy shud be gay.... sucked my lip :(...
Then i came back to kelseys... and smoked the reever... and it was horrible... i remember being weird... i could swear i got possesed... it was soo scary!!...
but yer,,,, tht was my lil bit of fun!!
and kelseys gonna fuck fumfy!!
$K$
XxX XxX

sorry... i follow the trendz

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 18:17:46 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. I promise not to come after you with a spatula, either way.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.... in fact.... do it even if you dont know me!!

Haha haha

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 00:12:26 GMT

Ok, tonight was fucking jokes.... i remember chatting to grant onthe fone before... and the convo was like this
Me: we allowed drink?
G: yer, but if you get silly... your getting kicked out
Me: ok
lol
So i go to tess' we get ready.... i got a shitty little mask... and shes got a personalized eye patch i made her and a shitty £2 hat i bought her... and we're off... i get served alcohol at the bottom of her road... and was too proud.... met up with the other and arrived
Straight away.... i dug into the chicken (might i say i normally hate chicken.... but anywho...) ad drank the straight vodka.... then other people came.... unwanted people... i felt too bad.... but i spoke to them... and they are fucking jokers... fay is really sweet... and silas is a joker... and together they are sweet.... even tho... i want pips to be happy.. i dont think she would be with him.... them two are just goood for each other...
I fyucking knocked some vodka bottle on my head because of bradley...lol... now my head hurts...
Then the event of the evening.... i know im never gonna get rid of this,,,, the "kirsti punched jimmy..... twice"... insident.... ok shall i try and explain?
Tess was angry at me... i think it was because i made the "ee ooor" sound.... so yer.... i was like im sorry... how can i make it better.... she was like punch jimmy.... so i did..... wwwwooooops!!..... anywho... so jimmy was on the floor upset... and asked me why... me and my drunken self makes up "look jimmy... i just want to appologies... i really thought you were my great aunt..the one i went to see in south africa.... she passed away... and you really loojed like her... and i had to hit you!!!"... so yer.... woops... then he started having a go at me.... how im a fake dyke... and how im never gonna get a grrl friend.... so i punched him again.... may i add... both times werent very hard... but tht time he was on the floor... woopsies!!
Ywer sopoo much jokes happened... then we walked pip home and kelseys mummy gave me a lift home.....
I only cried twice.... hahaha... both times was when i saw my minging hair in the mirror... hahaha....
When i came to the party... i felt like an amberish out cast... and i was likw aaaaaah! no one like me no more.... but i think im ayt for now... i hope...
So yer... to everyone... i had scary chats with(mel and bex)... punched (jimmy)... slapped wioth chicken(tiff)... laid on floor for ages with (tessy)... had heart to heart chats (luke pip and belz).... hardly saw (kels and max)hugged a lot (hetty)... etc etc... i love you all...
Yer mate....
Peace up touch down....
Safe x
$K$
XxX XxX

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 12:02:20 GMT

I just wanted to try it.... just once.... but its not happening....
First kelsey was a nob.... then we couldnt get hold of pippa and jess...
Oh well.... atleast i tried....
Mooooo said the cow!
$K$
XxX XxX

How come i never hear you say... i just wanna be with you.... i guess you never felt tht way:(

Wed, 26 Oct 2005 22:55:36 GMT

Hmm... not up to much....
Im bored... i miss having someone to obsess over... so im forcing myself to fancy people i dont... grrr... how you doin belly ;)....lol... nah... well... i spose thats how i am.... i actually beleive im kelsexual... im scared fuckless of grrls... and boys make me sick... i want a human who acts like a kitten...and if possible can they be fit.... coz im really shallow...lol

Im kinda glad i know were all this is from... like my "commitment issue shit".... i was always like hmm?!... but yer... after deep analysis... i found out it was because of my first ever boyfriend fucking me about... and calling me fat... (thts probably why i am now)....

Errr! whymi having an emotional journal... hmm?! i got my har cut today which will make it even longer for me to find someone to love... its like... i dont even know how to describe it... maybe sinead occoner/grrl from tatu/michelle mcmannus.... well.. the michelle bits my face shape... i dont have ginger hair or anything...lol... i look like my name shud be "lynda"...lol...

Yer yer.. since you been gone...

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 21:56:23 GMT

Sup bitches....
Today i went all the fucking way to college... to sit and watch half hour of the matrix and come home....
BUT HALF TERM!!!!!! its here... ful of fun and many calleried food... dam me and my hungry ass self!
Ive decided the dyke ruite is not for me... i know for defenate there are no dykes in this world who would fit my expectations.... fit and wants me.... even wants me will do (minus amber)... but yer... before you get worried... i aint into boys.... although my certain act with sum1 might lead you to beleive otherwise.... hahaha...lol... i know what i am... and im not straight...... im a fucking loner!! im like the old cat woman... with no one:(... but yer... how will i get through my awkward horny teenage years? *call me ;)*.... jkn

So today i went kelseys (finches)... for some cat walk thing.... and had one of (what i call my) south african moods... i dont know why i call them tht... coz i never used to have them in south africa.... but i just call them south african or people get scared..... so yer..... i went all quite and cried..... and then someone saw the tears.... and i was like.... :'D.... smiling and crying at the same time....
Hmm?! I really dont want to do this.... i dont know why i am... kelsey was liek you wanna do this? i was like yer! thinking it would be like some little thing with me and her... but its some hench thing... and im getting self concious.... coz im the only obese one... the only one who cant walk .... the only... blah blah blah... im gonna stick out like a sore thumb.... and like yer... im really dreading it...
And im getting all bitter coz everyone loves tess more then me...as usual.... and i dont care.... i like attention to an extent as everyone does.... but im not bothered about attention.... just about loosing friends.... so yer.... my south africanism came out.....

So yer.... if anyone wants to see a blob roll down a row with over sized clothes on... come see me... or the lady at kelseys shop... fuckim ubid.... :@.... if she was there a bit later... i wouldnt have heald back... just one of her little things today...
Situation: tryin on clothes
She looks at me then looks at the clothes..... and then looks at tess and goes.... hmm?! yer your the slim one... tht would suit you..... and then like says shit about me wearing my hoody and cap... fucking cock sucker... im obviously not wearing it on the night.... and she fucking kept screwing me.... your like 30something mate!! im like half your age.... why are you starting on me.... fucking bitch....... if she never worked in kelseys shop.... oooh!!

Nob jokky this is long.... someone just blocked me coz i said i was a dyke... hahahahah! Tomooros hawthorne.... with jessica and her niga self! and kelsey.... at times i dont think shes coming:S.... she keeps saying yer i come... then ill say oh its on sat shell be like oh... am i coming... then ill be like yer.... and shell be like ok... then ill be like its tomorro... and shes like... oh am i going..... so yer.... she probably dont wanna go....... and annies.... which we're going to afterwards... im bringing pippa an emo prince.... to bone and all.... get in there

Dubble wobbre with tseeze!
LAter fuckers
$K$
XxX XxX

"you know some real bad tricks and you need some diciplin!"

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 16:55:03 GMT

First off... has amber died? i havent seen her in ages and she like doesnt come online or anything... too busy with jack... hahahaha... im not bothered... im just wondering....

Cha... so tomorro i got bullet.... and then i got hawthorne hights ... and annas party.... innit!!!

Not much going on in my life....

Ive started a new diet which is fun... but yer.... who cares...

Pippa is joining our jammin thing... which is rocking.... now we have completed our search... we now just need to rock.... i will comment tht my work with twinz will not be forgotten... me and kristy are busy writing for the new album now... mel and becky are on holiday in australia...... both bands are a priority!!! jess is a nigga! or as youd say max.... "ubid"... iv soooo nicked tht!!

my ear itches *watches tumbleweed*
Errr!! my cat just made a smelly poo!!

Noooooooooooo!!! i opened my mouth :'(!! WHYYYYY!!!!

Yer.... so i met one of tamaras ex's..... hahahaha.... im one of her better ones.... *kssshhhk* lol

Peace up touch down..... get me and my boring life!!

$K$
XxX XxX

home sweet home?

Sun, 09 Oct 2005 18:56:27 GMT

Im home? Woooo! South Africa was ok.... very depressing... but nice to see everyone again...
I saw max.... which was cool.. big up to my nigga mc maxinne.... yer... nice seeing you agin.....
Yer... so i was at mixinnes house.... and her maid started touching me in weird places... one thing lead to another.... and and :(....lol.... joking... but wpuldnt tht be funny... Yer... so seeing max was great...we h8ung out watching films... ok 1 film.... we got tired ok.... hahaha... then the next day we went mimos... we were meant to get drunk but couldnt be arsed....lol so we just ate,.... she is sooo fucking skinny... but she is an original fat grrl... and if she lived in england would rock the fat grrl clubs....
so yer... i ate like fuck and gained like a stone... its soo funny how fat i am now... if you took a picture of me at the beginning of the week and one now... you could use them in reverse for one of them weight watches things.... haahhaa
yer... so....arrrggg.... diet time... poo poo....
So yer... all in all south africa was rocking.... i love it like hell... and its soo fucking cheap... but i woul;dnt survive there... i was there for a week and i was shitting myself everywhere i went.... and the niggas are taking over there man.,... theres this new law yer..... as from 2006 a nigga man has to own 20% of your company and by 2010 he has to own 51%.... so.... yer.... like max's dad.... hes like owned his business for like long.... and he built it from like nothing.... and now like some random black dude has to own more then half of it?... aint tht shitty...
so yer..... i dont even know were i was... im sooo dam tired.... but yer.... im just gonna go...
Harmonicas forever kelsey and tess.... and kelsey... you liked the smoothness of it on your face didnt you? and tess you liked the smell... grrrrrrr!!!
$K$
Xxx XxX

You know you kill me

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 22:35:23 GMT

Yer... so... many of you wont know... but this weekend will be the most memorable....
Friday i got the worst carpet burn ever (private joke)
Saturday i was the angriest ive ever been at a certain sum1.
And tomorro... im going to south africa.... my visa ran out and i cant stay here.... so you know... off i go... its still quite a shock... and i dont know what to think... ahaha... im bullshittin... im only going for a week.... but its memorable... because its probably the last time im going back... and for the worse reason.... so yer
Off i go for a week
Mwa Mwa to all my mates
No 1s include
Kelsey belly Mel Bex Jess and we'll throw hetty in there coz i know shes readin this.... so yer.... love you all... you guys rock.... although i think kelsey only found out about it yesterday... ahahaah! im gonna call her now!!
Later you guys... mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa mwa!!!!
Thanks for being nice... and understanding my carpet burn!
Oh, and i spose... bye to the people too busy sucking bum to actually say goodbye... and wish me luck and hope my grandads ok.... i hope her ass tastes good.... nearly as nice as friendship...
hahaha... bitter me
$K$
XxX XxX

...More important things in life...

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 20:38:46 GMT

I spend my days writting about crap and bitching... never did i once thing of you or your health.... so this journal is dedicated to you...

I havent seen you in three years... and i havent really missed you as much as i should have... i dont like to think of my old home... it makes me feel like an alien.... and i hate feeling unwanted.... but i know... if i ever did... there'd always be someone in this world who loved me no matter what...

I may not have grown up the way you wanted me to.... pretty blonde haired girl... more like fat dark sad girl.... who makes jokes put of everything to get out of uncomfortable situations.... or to make herself feel more welcome somewhere.... you were always one to laugh with me... even though you were too deaf to hear the joke...

I remember hating you for a while... not knowing why you would do the things you did... but we're all messed up sometimes... and that was just your moment....

I'll always have a part of you.... thats stubborn side... wont let anyone tell us what to do.... dont need anyone.... dont want anyone..... but maybe thats where we were wrong... leaving it this long has definately caused a lot worse problems... but stubborn as we are.... we still dont take the hand that tries to feed us when we're crawled up in a ball... with out starving rib baring bodies....

They say you have weeks to live... Well before they said you wouldnt last til 2000.... we passed that... didnt we..... you were fine... maybe not in good health but always up for a laugh... but apparently your wprse then youve ever been.... and something comforting to hear is... on your death bed.... your still a joker... making people laugh.... when theyre holding in their tears as they see the life of there father slip away slowly.... nothing hides tears more then a smile.... and thats what you want to hide... you always hated to see us cry....

So... chances are... i'll never see you again.... ever... and ive been avoiding this subject the whole week.... pretending that i didnt care... making jokes to hide my parents tears... coz thats what i hate... seeing them cry. And not until this journal... did i actually sit and think about the situation.... and cry... letting out the tears.. and i know if you were hear with me now... you would be cracking jokes... helping me hide the tears...

Its not good to think negative... but.... if this is goodbye.... which i wont be able to say to you... coz i cant actually pick up the fone and call... I'll miss you... because i loved you!

Goodbye x

DAVE GROHL SHUD DIE!

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 17:41:35 GMT

Yer.... so....i dont even know what ive been up to...
OoOooOHH!! Maxs house on Friday.... which was jokes... ofcourse... anyone who knows Tess knows what i did before i went there.... her beutiful Job.... Grrr!! but yer... its quite fun sometimes... you just get to chat shit to each other..... yer... back to max's.... we accidently ditched amber... 1) cause i was scared her mum would be angry at her.... and 2) coz i probably would have done her again... yer... so we went maxs.... watched alice in wonderland... and ate pizza.... then his sister came home... (i thought she was really fit and wanted her babies... but then i chatted to her on msn... and shes too sweet)and we convinced him to watch Empire Records (liv tyler film)... Yer.... then he woke up really early and did some random shit.... and i woke up at.... get ready.... 845.... ewww!! can you beleive it... then we had breakfast and went to mine for the day to do mine and tess' hair (spikes).
Erm.. mel and beckys which was jokes!! and then everyone coming back to my house.... and falling asleep aty like 2...wtf?? lazy fuckers... me and jess were up late dancing to funky town... laughing at posesssion videos of me and taking piks of the sleeping ones asleep...
The next morning i took the kids to McDs...lol... i bought them food... arent i just the sex...lol....
I did the most jokes thing... i bought a Bigmac and a happy meal and put the burgers together with fries in the center.... this burger was hench man.... Then me and Jess bought tools and tess found one in a dumpster.... (my mum found it and was like wtf?..lol)
Monday.... dont remember.... some school shit... and today the same.... eerrr! i hate media... ahh! fuck... reminds me...i need to go do homework.. hahah *looser*... later
$K$
Xxx XXX

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 17:49:30 GMT

Rahhh!! Hehehe... this weeks been kwik... im getting into this college shit... its rocking.
Yesterday i spent hours reading up about ana and drugs id like to try...it scared me... the ana thing seemed really appealing... then i read the whole websote... its not appealing... its a scary disease tht takes ober your life... i dont like it.... so i thought id try drugs... theyre quite scary... but im not bothered... as usual im taking the easy way out aspect... maybe thats whats wrong wth me... like dykeism.... i aint getting layd.... so when boys show interest i let them.... coz boys=sex...... grrls dont..... and if the do.... call me call me *does hand guestures of fone*....lol
American hi-fi are on tour... im soooo going.... and kelsey needs to buy hawthorne hights tickets.... so me her hayley tess and john can go... i bought two for john... one was originally for siobon... i was gonna make it right with her.... but now theres no reason... wooo!!! oh... and hes probably wanting to take tht vickie chick... well... sorry johnny... tess is coming...lol
I saw Katie and clare at the bus stop today.... they invited me to G.A.Y.... but... it mel and bex's party.... so i was like:<... i cant....
Hmm?! i dont like livejournal.. it shows me how boring my lif is... and how crap my imaginationm is
$K$
XxX XxX

RAWR!!

Sun, 18 Sep 2005 21:46:02 GMT

Woooo!! so first offspring... which rocked.... like bum sex!!!
Then hangin with the emos on saturday....whcih was a little different... that minger grrl made me sick tho... MINGER!!! lol.... but yer... they seemed nice... and i got a few jokes from becca.... joker!
Then me belly kelsey and jess went camden... bought peircing and jammed... mmm and ate... we then dropped off peircing for becca and made our way home to meet the others for the party... we were slightly late.... and i invited jess coz shes a joker and we love her... hehehe anna never knew... but she didnt mind coz shes sooo nice... mwa mwa x. so yer.... we made our way to the party.... and it was absolute jokes!! and open bar and all!!! woooo!!!People got asooo fucked.... and upset and made me sad... but jess the joker and belly made me laugh the whole way throught.... her and her brown nob cheese addiction and my fish curry addiction... and belly being a twat and telling jess bad thing tht jess shouldnt know...lol... hehe... amber giving me a broken heart sweet and me pullin it to peices and eating it up.... hehehe... us making overly loud racial comments... drinking random green stuff... sleeping on max's crotch for a second... ahhh!! awww... the grrls being soo dam cute.... lanna linzi and i being horn dogs.... just utter cool shit happening...lol.... then ending with me jess bally and chriss going home... and then getting a weird surprise of amber crying...saying we never sed good bye... i dunno why? hope she was ok....
Then me belly and jess get home at like 2.... go bed like three.... and wake up today at 1330...lol.... then going to beckenham to drop jacks trousers off... me and jess going somewhere random tht i wotn even say... then back to hers... for jkokes and sugar rush!! woooo!!!
Jess you joker!! mwa mw x
And all you gals at the party... i love you guys soooo much!! m,wa mwa mwa mwa!!!!!!!!
$K$
XxX XxX